


The End Is Forming

by herwhiteknight



Series: 365 Days of Sarah/Cosima [22]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Human Astral, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mild Language, Spiritual, Stars, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 12:43:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10491156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight
Summary: Cosimaknowsher. And as much as Sarah enjoys the ease that it brings to their relationship, it also scares the hell out of her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set within the "Vessel/Born From The Universe" 'verse -- several weeks after "Where The Ashes Lie".
> 
> aka "It's about time that Ray managed to weasel hurt/comfort and angst into this 'verse"
> 
> Day 23 of 365.

Waking up beside Cosima was still fucking _weird._

Even though it had been several days since Cosima's... _arrival_ , one didn't just “get used” to having a star-human-whatever-thing curled up under the covers with them. Especially since this star-human-thing had claimed that they had _fused_ somehow.

Sarah wished she could blow it off as bullshit, but she had stopped doing that the second Cosima had _landed_ in her backyard. Shite, probably even earlier than that really. Since she started talking, like having full _conversations_ with her while she still existed up in the sky as some kind of astral entity.

Waking up next to her was _definitely_ weird. But it was also so nice. Really nice.

Sarah stretched, careful not to wake her, and shifted onto her side just to look at her. Her appearance was anything but conventional – the freckles that were smattered across her upper back, shoulders and down all the way across her arms and into her hands glowed dying-coal red on occasion, like some kind of interstellar blush. Once, Sarah had been absently tracing patterns through the dots and discover _constellations_ within the canvas of her skin. Upon discovery, Cosima raced to learn _everything_ about the universe she came from – she had to know, to learn, from a _human's_ perspective.

But the freckles, though intriguing, were not the main thing that had caused Sarah the greatest amount of shock. She hadn't gotten a good look at Cosima when she first found her in her darkened yard, but the second she had stepped into the harsh, clinical overhead lights of the kitchenette, the resemblance between them was enough to make even Mrs. S gasp.

“Bloody identical,” she had murmured, her gaze tracing over her daughter, back to Cosima and then again to Sarah. “Your faces... now that's not something you see every day.” She had needed to sit down.

Cosima, of course, had theories about that too. “I've never existed in human form, obviously, right? So.. whatever _you_ thought I looked like, perhaps and combined with _my_ point of reference of _you_... well, then that all makes sense, doesn't it? Kind of a mould to base my features off of, I guess? That and the whole fusing thing, similar features and all that....”

Listening to Cosima never got boring either. It had become her favourite pastime and Cosima's humanity hadn't changed that one bit – in fact, enhanced it further. And Sarah's favourite sound had quickly become Cosima's breathing.

Torn between waking her just to watch her blink sleep out of her eyes and letting her sleep because she was still getting used to being, well, human, Sarah just kept watching her and tracing the freckles that she could see along Cosima's back flare in and out of brightness with the rhythm of Cosima's breathing.

Turned out that Sarah didn't need to make the decision after all as Cosima started shifting into awareness a few moments after Sarah had woke also. _Right, that fusion thing,_ Sarah reminded herself, recalling one of Cosima's excited ramblings about every possibility behind the phenomenon. “Good morning,” Sarah whispered, reaching out to touch her shoulder and trace a spiral along a few of Cosima's freckles.

Cosima glowed a little brighter at Sarah's touch, and Sarah in turn felt a small jolt of electricity bounce up her arm and send her body buzzing just slightly. _Better than any coffee,_ she thought as she hummed happily. Cosima hummed and rolled over slightly, seeming to be in better control of her limbs this morning. “Didn't accidentally punch you in the face this morning, so I'd say that's good,” Cosima grinned, following Sarah's train of thoughts.

Sarah blinked, somehow _still_ surprised at the intimacy of their connection. “Yeah,” she relaxed against the thought that it was _too_ much that someone knew her this well. “You seem to be getting this human thing down pretty well I'd say.”

Cosima hummed, her freckles flared as she drew closer, tucking herself into Sarah's arms that were automatic in there comforting embrace. “I think I've got a pretty good teacher.”

Sarah chuckled lightly at that. “I dunno Cos, you've only known one human your entire life, so I'm not sure you have a fair sample size.”

“That's not true!” Cosima protested playfully, nuzzling her nose into Sarah's collarbone, “I've known a lot of humans in a lot of time periods. Never one as intimately as you though.”

 _That word again. Intimate._ “Yeah,” Sarah murmured gently, shivering just a bit.

Cosima's freckles died a bet, almost returning to a natural tone in response to the ebb in Sarah's mood. “You're scared,” Cosima said gently. Directly. Being tied, even just a little bit, to the universe in some small way, must've given her a really good insight into Sarah's emotions. Especially since Sarah hadn't even been able to label them as such until Cosima came right out and said it.

“I ever tell you how creepy it is that you can basically see into my soul?” Sarah laughed a little gruffly, trying to regulate her breathing that had changed as the electricity across her skin increased just slightly.

“The fusion-” Cosima started.

“Yeah yeah yeah, the fusion,” Sarah shook herself slightly, because she was trying to convince herself that she _did_ have control over herself, that Cosima couldn't just _reach inside her_ and, like, control her _movements_ or anything, that's not what was happening, because Cosima would've _done_ that by now if she could've, wouldn't she have? Sarah had done it to everyone else, take advantage of them, of people, manipulate everything but their own physical bodies and even physical bodies to a certain degree actually, her hands in private places, regulating their _breathing_ and sending their muscles _twitching_ to the point where _they_ weren't in control, but _Sarah_ was and-

“Sarah. Okay, woah, just... Sarah,” Cosima commanded, settling her hand over top of her sternum, right above her heart. The touch _zapped_ her. Not nearly as agonizing as their first connection, when human met universe without any barriers, but still enough to draw her thoughts away from spiralling. “I can't _hear_ your thoughts or anything, but I can _feel_ them and you gotta stop freaking out, okay?”

“Why haven't you gotten your revenge on me yet?” Sarah whispered, too afraid to pull away from Cosima's energy and not strong enough to push against it.

“Revenge?” Cosima asked, questions lighting up her eyes, setting aflame patches of her freckles. Sarah was just starting to associate certain patches with certain emotions and she vaguely recognized that pattern to be confusion. It was a familiar one – a lot of Sarah's human routines were quite difficult to grasp.

“Karma!” she almost shouted, the intensity across her skin heightening her emotions and driving everything up several notches. “This is it, it all makes a lot of sense now, how could I have been so stupid not to realize what this has been from the start, too wrapped up in _you_ to understand-”

Cosima pulled back, probably easily putting together the fact that their physical connection was elevating their emotional one. “Sarah. You're gonna wake Kira,” Cosima said quietly. It was a card she didn't like playing, at least not in terms of reprimand, but her electricity hadn't stopped her spiral in the first place so it was the only remaining option.

And it worked. But only for her volume. “You're... you're _from_ the universe. How'm I supposed to know if this isn't just... all some elaborate prank from above? Some divine retribution after all the shit I've done and the people I've stepped on?”

Cosima felt Sarah's panic and fear and anger and self-loathing and guilt all crash into her like a wave and she couldn't stop herself from gasping faintly. This woman's history, whatever it was, it was _still_ haunting her. She fought against the onslaught of Sarah's inner turmoil and resisted the urge to reach out and touch her again. That would only make it worse, she was sure of it. “I don't know the details of your past, Sarah,” she reassured gently, a new pattern of freckles, right over her heart, starting to glow gently. “This isn't... _I'm_ not the universe manifested to punish you. This isn't anything like that. I don't really know what this is, any of it. But it's real. And it's not an attack.”

“I hurt a lot of people, Cos. Maybe... I dunno. I guess I'm scared I'm gonna hurt you too,” Sarah whispered.

There was a holding back that Cosima felt, like a physical pull in her spine, an elastic stretched too tight from her skull to the base of her back. “That's not all you're worried about.. is it?”

Sarah growled and Cosima couldn't help but laugh as she felt Sarah's frustration. “It's gonna be impossible to lie to you, innit?”

“From what I've seen in history, things kept in secret never end well for most people.”

Sarah had to grin at that, her hand almost unconsciously coming back to find Cosima's hand and tangle their fingers together. She shifted back just slightly, enough to look into Cosima's eyes, to watch the freckles on her cheeks, lit from her laughter, fade ever so slightly. “I'm worried you'll hurt me too,” she whispered, and the admission spoken aloud, combined with the increased intensity that touch provided, sent Sarah's fear pricking all up and down Cosima's shoulders and the back of her neck, like tiny needles sewing threads of doubt and worry just underneath the surface.

“I'm not a trick, Sarah,” Cosima reassured her, tilting her head so that their foreheads touched.

“Not that,” Sarah closed her eyes slightly as she breathed out her next admission. “I'm worried you'll leave me. That just as quickly as you came, you'll be gone. And what's worse is that I'll never be able to talk to you again.”

Cosima could understand that. She really could. She knew that she _technically_ was allowed to be here, she had been told that if Sarah had survived contact that it'd be okay. But she was never told _why._ And Cosima found that without an answer to that one question, a lot of mysteries yet still remained. “I don't know about any of that either, Sarah,” Cosima frowned, a thin unbroken line of freckles glowing along both clavicles. “But if there's ever a possibility that I would get a choice in whether I leave or whether I stay, then I would choose to stay. To stay with you, with Kira. With Mrs. S. If any of that matters.. that's my choice.”

“But... if you don't get a choice?” her voice was so small, so scared. And Cosima knew by the way she felt distrust and vulnerability warring in Sarah's heart that she hadn't been truly open with anyone in a long, long while.

“Then...,” Cosima murmured, looking into Sarah's eyes and reaching her hand up to run her fingers gently through Sarah's hair, pressing impossibly closer, as if their emotional connection wasn't enough. Because, for Cosima at least, it wasn't. But she could that Sarah needed it, desperately, too. “Then we'll be together for every second possible.”

 


End file.
